What to do when your child's big feelings take over: Emotional regulation for kids

If you’ve ever watched your child go from calm to full meltdown in a matter of seconds, you’re not alone—and you’re not doing anything wrong. Emotional outbursts, shutdowns, and intense reactions are common in childhood, especially when kids are still learning how to handle overwhelming feelings like frustration, fear, excitement, or disappointment.

The good news is that emotional regulation is a skill, not a personality trait—and with the right support, your child can learn to manage their big emotions in healthy, age-appropriate ways. At Resolutions Counseling Center, we work with kids and families every day to support this growth. Here's what we recommend:

1. Normalize the Experience of Big Feelings

Emotions like anger, sadness, and anxiety can feel scary to kids—especially if they don’t understand them.

Try phrases like:

• “It’s okay to feel mad. I’m here with you.”

• “That was really disappointing, wasn’t it?”

• “This is a big feeling. Let’s take a deep breath together.”

By showing that emotions are normal and manageable, you’re helping your child build emotional literacy and resilience for the long run.

2. Regulate Yourself First

It’s incredibly difficult to help a dysregulated child when you’re feeling overwhelmed yourself. Before reacting to your child’s meltdown, take a moment to check in with your own nervous system. Breathe. Ground your feet. Speak gently.

Children are highly attuned to our energy—your calm presence is one of the most powerful tools you have.

3. Use Co-Regulation Before Expecting Self-Regulation

Children learn emotional regulation through co-regulation—that is, through repeated experiences of being soothed, seen, and supported by a calm adult.

Try these strategies in the moment:

• Offer a calm, steady voice and nonjudgmental language.

• Get down on their level physically.

• Offer a hug, holding their hand, or a hand on their back or shoulder.

• Use short, simple statements: “I’m here. You’re safe. We’ll figure this out together.”

Over time, these moments build the child’s internal capacity for self-soothing and problem-solving.

4. Teach Tools When the Storm Has Passed

The best time to teach emotional regulation strategies is not during a meltdown—it’s afterward, when your child is calm and receptive. You might practice:

• Slow exhales (pretend to blow up a balloon or cool off a hot cocoa)

• Naming feelings (using books, flashcards, or facial expressions)

• Safe movement (like animal walks, jumping jacks, or stretching)

• A feelings chart or “calm corner” with sensory tools

Make it playful and engaging—it’s okay if it takes time to stick.

5. Know When to Seek Extra Support

Sometimes, a child’s emotional reactions may feel extreme, confusing, or frequent enough to disrupt daily life. If your child often seems stuck in a cycle of anger, fear, or shutdowns, it might be time to get some extra help.

Therapy can support kids in building the emotional muscles they need and help parents learn how to respond effectively and lovingly—even in the hard moments.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone. At Resolutions Counseling Center, we offer two group programs designed specifically for families working on emotional regulation:

• Child Regulation Group: A fun, supportive skills group that teaches kids how to manage big feelings, build coping strategies, and relate to peers in healthy ways.

• Parent Support Group: A weekly group that offers tools, community, and professional guidance to help parents respond with confidence and connection.

  
  

If your child’s big feelings are starting to feel like too much to handle alone, we’re here to help. Contact us today to learn more or register for an upcoming group.